My two moms....

The largest portion of my life right now, is being a mom. Unfortunately I have strong, mixed feelings about what it means to be a 'good mom'. Half of my brain insists that is is supremely important to have my house tidy. (Not scrubbed to perfection, but just tidy.) If someone was seriously injured, I would remedy first aid, after I called for an ambulance, I would automatically start start tidying up also. My brain tells me this is important. Apparently, so the paramedics do not walk in and mumble to each other: "Would you just LOOK at this place?"

I have two 'good' moms in my head, fighting it out. This is what one side of my brain tells me a 'good mom' does: She keeps the jelly globs off the floor, and dirty diapers off the table. But the other half of my brain celebrates whenever I play on the floor with the kids, or blow bubbles and wrestle with them. If I build a fort in the living room, Fun mom goes nuts with joy, while the Cleaning mom in my head wants to pick it all up before someone sees this mess and thinks we live like gypsies.

My two moms are completely the opposite. I find myself trying to please them both. Last night as I bathed Ellary, Cleaning mom was glad to be getting this chore out of the way, and as quickly as possible, so the other chores can get done. Alex walked in and Cleaning mom thought, "Aha! Efficiency! I should bathe Alex and Ellary- two birds and one stone!" So Alex hopped in with Ellary. Fun mom wanted to make the bath more enjoyable. So Fun mom reached into the tub and scooped up a handful of water. With both hands cupped, she put her mouth down onto the water and blew bubbles. Cleaning mom knew this would prolong the bath. Over and over again Fun mom ignored Cleaning mom. The baby laughed and Fun mom was feeling quiet triumphant in being so silly and spontaneous. Cleaning mom noticed a funny smell from the water in her hands. Suddenly shocked, Fun mom bolted upright and shouted "Alex- did you pee in the bath?!?" Cleaning mom quietly chuckled to herself, in a "I told you so" kind of way.