Mens Health Secrets!

We got an ad in the mail for the magazine "Men's Health". In the ad, Which is about 10 pages long, they tell you all about the awesome things you can learn if only you subscribe to their magazine. Aside from fitness, it also offers 'secrets' about how to land, seduce, please and keep a woman. I never laughed so much in my life.
I feel bad for the guy who is single, clueless and is relying on this tripe to assist in snagging that 'incredible hottie'. If I were writing for the magazine, I'd level with the men, and save them a whole lotta heartache. Lesson #1: The hot wife with the 'average joe' - that only happens on TV. The Family Guy, King of Queens, & The Simpsons, etc... If you are holding out for a woman that is clearly out of your league, you can expect to be alone for a long time. You've got flaws, she's got flaws. Find someone decently attractive, fun to be around, and has self-confidence. That should do it.
Under the headline "Moves that melt!" I would replace the written crap with: 'Pick up after yourself. Women love it. If she asks you to hold her purse for a minute, I promise that you won't start menstruating. Offer to carry heavy things. Do not marinade yourself in cologne. If you wash with AXE, you smell like a 15 year old teenage boy going to his first date. Most of the time, we don't want to smell you, we want you to smell us. Men should be 'lightly scented'. Oh, and have something in mind when you ask her on a date, at least one idea, maybe two options. Nothing is worse than being picked up by a guy, only to have him turn to you and say: "So what do you want to do tonight?" It makes you sound like you you spent more time picking out your shirt, than planning the date.' Pick a date idea where you can talk. Don't talk about sports or politics, at least not on a first date. Touch her shoulder. Compliment her sincerely- her laugh, her hair, her eyes, whatever. Listen to her talk, and ask questions.
Next headline: "Hottest Emails you can send." I would have to say that the hottest thing you can write is: "Don't worry about dinner and the kids tonight, I've got it covered, why don't you have a night off?" Okay, so maybe that works best when you're married. But if you are dating, I would recommend thoughtful emails: "I hope you have a better day today, and good luck dealing with that person you told me about, that has been getting on your nerves." (See? You just reinforced the idea that you listen to her. Women love that.) The magazine recommends racy emails, that get her all giggly in her girl parts. Yeah, maybe. But not sent to her work email. That's just waiting for a disastrous, accidental 'reply to all'. Thoughtfulness goes a long, long way.

The Men's Health magazine just goes on and on with other such nonsense. "The best pick up line in a gym." Yes, there is nothing like being sweaty, having no makeup and frizzy hair, and having a guy lounging near your elliptical machine, just waiting to make eye contact with you so he can say: "Crowded in here today." (That's the line they recommend.) Wow. It is a good thing that they have a whole team of writers over there.
Some of the other recommendations: Take sexy photos of yourself and send them to her on her phone.
*Sigh* I just don't even know where to start with this one.